Pills, pills, pills

So many pills to swallow am I ruining my insides and fucking up my brain? The answer to that is probably yes. I should take a picture of all my pill bottles, but most of you wouldn't believe it. Do you ever sometimes listen to old music like back from high school/college just to rewind time and bring yourself to those moments where you knew who you were, what you were doing and just having plain old fun? That's what I'm doing right now I like the feeling nostalgic. But not of music that reminds me of my exes. Hahaha too many bad memories with that one. Any I somehow lost track of my initial blog, that tends to happen to me a lot lately. Attention span is shot, its probably because of all those stupid pills. My doctor told me that my depressive state has reached a "manic" state. JOY!!!!! after two years of treatment, hospitalizations and medication to medication I have just gotten worse. Just how did that freaking happen! I guess doctors dont know what they really are doing =|

I feel like this is an angry blog, but thats just fine because that's how I feel angry after seeing my doctor today. New and more pills to take and just do nothing alll dayyyyy loooooong, everyday. I cant stay concentrated enough to watch a movie, play a video game and all I want to do is go out and spend spend spend! Thats my manic side coming out. I've had headaches non-stop for about two weeks now and its so fucking annoying to be taking so many pain killers and nothings getting better. WTF I swear I might have a brain tumor or something.

Recently I've been feeling like I want to do something to feel pain and inflicting it on myself will only land me in the hospital so I went and got two ear piercings about 2 weeks ago but now I want more pain, sooooo I was thinking TATOOO!!!!

To bad I dont have the money to do it but I really want one done. I might just go and max out my credit card to get one!!!!! I feel so sporadic right now, maybe I should go smoke my cig and get that high feeling i like. Ugh!!!!!! I hate where I'm at right now. Fucking sucks!