Its 2:25pm on an august afternoon. I am currently sitting at my desk in my room starting up an online journal. See the thing is I've always wanted to keep some type of journal going however for some reason I never could stick to one...odd? Anyway here's my last option (which is my first time attempting) to get my life's history going. See now there's so much I think about yet I have nothing to say lets start with my mood. Currently I am mediocre, its nice out and I gotta work at 5. Sucks I gotta close today. I work at Wal-mart and its an okay job great pay but I fucking hate retail. Been doing if for 5 years now and it sucks ass! But I need money doesn't everyone? Lately I've been feeling uncertain (actually I always feel uncertain) maybe its because I think to much? There's so much that I want but I can't have. Why is that? Why is it that a good person can't reap the luxuries of life? Maybe because I don't deserve them? But I think I've been a good person and never did anything to extreme. I know assholes out there who's living the sweet life and here I am 21 year old Iris who's constantly struggling to keep balance in life to maintain myself on the thinnest line. Now that I think about it I dont think I've ever felt I had anything under control. My past problems I sorta just buried them deep inside but never rid them completely. Could that be the reason why I never seem to live a moment of clarified perception? Oh boy am I fucked. There's something about my head that freaks me out, how it never seems to just shut up! It's constantly on the move never able to relax and because of this I live in frustration. I've discovered I still don't know who I am or what I want to be, What is the meaning of life anyway? or at least my life. I've seen my fair share of accomplished people who know what they want and who they are. It shows me that there is possibility out there not all of us wander in the dark abyss of confusion. It's 3 now and I gotta work at 5 so I am outties. I'll blog again later...stay tuned get ready to hear what its like in walmart for a 5 hour shift!
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