The sun is setting, the streets are dying, and the lights are blooming. This what you call the "end". That's right the end of day. It feels like its the end for me as well. It's been another day of disappointment, stress and getting fucked over with everything. Today I realized how pathetic my life is, how much of a struggle I have to deal with. Its very frustrating and pisses me off. I know I've been a good person, sure I've made some mistakes but doesn't everyone? I just don't understand the logic. There are people out there 100x worse then me and they are having the time of their lives....WHAT THE FUCK! Seriously I hate it and I can't stand that stupid saying "No one says life would be fair" But we were raised to that logic...at least I was. I was always told as a child to be good, study hard, be nice to everyone but for what so I can expect something that will never come to me? I've abide by the rules, I've studied hard, I try to be nice to everyone, people always tell me I have a good head on my shoulders but for what!!!! So far nothings good came out of my hard work, nothing. I can't stand the lies anymore I can't stand to look forward to something good if I do good. I don't give a fuck anymore about good morals or being a good girl. I'll do what I want, I'll be a fucking bitch, I fail classes in school because what difference does it make that I struggle and work hard to do good and just get fucked over in the end.
No one could understand how pissed off I am today. How everything hit me all at once. To have my life so far flash before my eyes and to realize how pathetic it's all been. I really don't understand anything. I don't want to hear that everything will be alright, I don't want to hear that everything will work out in the end, I'm tired of hearing the lies and tired of it all. I feel like dropping out of school, I feel like quiting my job, I feel like telling anyone who tires to stop me to fuck off, I feel like sleeping forever. I don't want to deal with anyone I don't want to hear their cheesy ass lectures about not worrying. I've gone over the edge. Driving to the mall today I see how beautiful the world can me how calming the wind can feel, how the guilty pleasures of shopping can put a smile to my face, yet when I look back to reality I see how cruel it can all be. "Look alive or you'll be eaten alive." Fuck the world.
It's all very sad how I cried like a fucking baby in the shower because I was upset at it all. I wish I didn't know how to cry I hate to cry and I hate being emotional. I don't want to cry anymore I don't want to feel that discomfort in my chest. Is there a way to get away from it all? I feel like its a sin for me to feel happy with things to say I'm having a great day. Right now I can't stand anyone, I can't stand anything, I can't stand God.
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