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Sunday, November 15, 2009

How's it gonna be? (September 13, 2008)

There's never a dull moment. When things start to be going fine, it just has to all fuck up. Why? And the sad part is, it's unknowing. So what's there to do? What can possibly be done when your just tired of it all. That's the problem you never know, your just dense about it. And then you go and say things but then come out saying other things that just contradicts yourself. Which makes me even more mad. What is your deal? I don't know what to say to you anymore I'm really just tired of it all. You tell me I shouldn't worry about certain factors and that if you won't let them get to you I shouldn't. But thats just it you do let them affect your decisions. How can I not worry about it when you let it be a big part of our relationship, I don't even know if I should call it that anymore. I've lost track of where we stand. It's only harder for me and you so maybe we should spare ourselves the aggravation and do away with it all? Like I've said before maybe its the timing, what if right now we are just not meant to be together. With the distance and school I think we aren't ready what do you think?
Wait I know what you think? As long as you know I'm around and here to stay that's all that matters to you. But what about everything else we have to deal with. You really don't think do you? Sometimes you really piss me off how can a person be so blind? I'm sorry if I hurt you but you know what you hurt me too. All my struggles to try to get you to open your eyes about everything was futile. I see now that you just won't budge and don't tell me your sorry I hate that word now, don't tell me you'll change because you won't, don't tell me things will be different because they won't. I'm sick of the false hope and the lies. I'm sick of it all. I'm tired of feeling like this feeling like all I've ever did was struggle with you. Yes I appreciate everything you've done for me and yes we've had some great times but there are things you need to word on and right now I see that your still not ready to evolve to a man. Seriously, I want you to just stop! Stop trying so hard stop trying to mend things the wrong way. Look at what we've been through, remember those times you've made me cry, angry, sad, stressed now think about how many times you've repeated those same mistakes. Remember how many times you've said sorry but nothings changed. How many times you've said you'll change but you haven't. Now you tell me you'll do whatever it takes to be with me but you still let people control you. How can I put that aside?
I'm running out of solutions and running out fast, you haven't proven any different to me yet. So what are we going to do?

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